Eyes Wide Open

I think I can safely say that that wee devil, Procrastination, has been kicked out of my house…ah, but the act of speaking those words might have jinxed me and invited him back in. No, I’m not having it. He’s gone. I’m working, dieting, writing and organising…and keeping the flat kind-of tidy, finding homes for stuff that has been camping where it should never have been.

There are two books switching between front and back burners: Learning to Read the Tarot, and Tarot Tales - fact/fantasy/spiritual and definitely fiction…each of them holding at least 20k words, at the moment. I had a burst of inspiration the other night that will help re-shape and structure Learning to Read the Tarot so it could be ready for publication on Amazon by the summer.

Tarot tales is an exploration in using tarot cards to create characters and their stories, some of which will be linked and you will see names and places intertwine, star in each other’s sidelines, backgrounds and gossip. There are other projects underway so I can’t make any estimate about when this one will be finished…the fact that I am at it, tidying files and writing/mashing work together/at all is a constant surprise, but it’s all looking good - even to the state of my blogging!

Reading is a big time-spinner for me; I don’t watch TV but have been kidnapped by audio books and often return to the same old stories again and again - this is a habit that is being shattered as I type, even. This year, I will read more of my paper books, more kindle and close my ears - eyes are the windows to the soul, not the ears.

LOST IN THE MACHINE

OMG...What is it with bloody Google? Why is it sooo confusing? Every time I enter it I get lost and never end up with what I want...and it never knows me. A few minutes ago it told me I had no blogs. So I know it's probably all my fault for signing in with different email addresses and then I forget which one even though I've got it all written down somewhere. I've just had to stroll through notebook scribbles but I've found myself again, and written better instructions in a tidier notebook that is devoted to this sort of thing. All this trouble must be because I never know who I am supposed to be and then Google jumps up or pops its head around dark corners and demands I sign in and when I do nothing happens - well nothing I like.

I can't remember what I wanted to write now but I'll settle for abusing Google and add a note of advice to any strollers out there - keep a nice book!

DAILY CARD DRAWS

I began this on a lilt on an optimistic breeze but everything followed the path I normally take, though I enjoyed the enthusiasm at the time.

Using my lovely new Favole Tarot deck in an effort to study it, the artist, the symbolism, and me.

7.12.10

I should mention to anyone reading this that I split this deck because the number cards are just pips, but I kept the courts with the Majors and am using them together as I study.

Also, this deck veers away from the norm and the suits are: Crosses, Masks, Flowers and Butterflies. There is nothing in the details to tell you what suit is what; I guess that the crosses are swords and masks are wands but it’s up in the air as to whether the cups are black roses or butterflies. I feel that the emotion lies with the butterflies, the celebration and tragedy of their short lives – so they should represent the cups. The thorny danger of roses indicates the problems we all have with money – but, it is possible to see the other side of this argument. Don’t we all cry and bleed tears when pricked by the dark side of love? And wouldn’t the petals catch those tears?

The butterfly as a precious and jewelled beast might be an earthy trait, even though it is flighty and creative and everyone loves them; the other terrible truth is that butterflies feed on excrement, and they are here today, gone tomorrow – a life as short as cash-flow.

I spent a while studying the two sets of court cards and have come to the conclusion that the Flowers are the Cups, because the king is wearing a mask, the knave is dressed as a pierrot and the knight has her arms around a statue in a poetic and romantic gesture; they all denote theatre and therefore the arts. Both the queen and the knave have the stem of a rose in their mouths which suggests – a cupping.

- back to the future

I really love the way I leapt onto these cards, and even though I didn't keep up with the readings the practice of deliberately not really using the traditional meanings much and just catching what might be suggested by how the characters were dressed and the juxtaposition of them and the environment, it was a lesson in detailed roaming. Tarot are meant to stimulate and inspire meaning which might lead to decision-making and change, but this is a busman's holiday - I already know most of the answers as to what I need to do to achieve either my goal/dream or contentment… but that wee bugger, Procrastination, is hard to eradicate.

DAILY CARD DRAW 5

6.12.10

Effort has arrived; it pulled me out of bed, very gently, and brought me to the sorting of papers, books, crafty bits and general jumble. The result is a completely cleared desk, shelf and chair in the bedroom…and some Christmas presents wrapped, and a box of silver balls/hearts/stars strung, which are now hanging around the living room bookshelves. Ta-da!

XV111 The Moon

A half-naked young woman is turned away from me, long black hair hanging down her back. She's walking through water in the moonlight, her arms against her chest in a position of fear, and there's something at her back that I can’t make out – I don’t know if she is being prodded out into the lake or not. A white satin garment is loose around her waist and hips, spreading into the water. She has white flowers in her hair and there’s a raven down in the right hand corner, just there, not doing anything. Is she a victim or just a moon-walker? Am I a victim or just spellbound by my own mystery?

When I noticed the water in this card I immediately felt the pressure of exercise forced upon me by myself; I joined the local pool and gym but haven’t gone back nor dipped my toe in the water. If one of The Moon’s meanings is strange encounters then it might be fun to go swimming – but I can’t be bothered with all that washing of the hair and the drying and getting dressed (once a day is plenty) and once a week with the hair is enough! But, only an hour ago I was toying with the idea of cutting my hair so I won’t keep pinning it up and look the same all the time.

Maybe this card has come out to tell me that there is still a long and difficult search to experience and cleaning a desk and a shelf is just not enough. I need to look deeper into my procrastination. What happens when I’ve cleared all the desks and cupboards and tidied all the photographs? That’s when the real work begins and I should just get on with it because it’s not going to go away.

Note:

I am so amazed at how this week has changed my point of view; since I’ve started the daily draw I have accomplished so much. Tonight, I cut my hair into a short bob so I will have to wear it down and look like anything other than the old granny who can’t be bothered. And, I began the rewrite of the novel by having my main character draw three cards to help her make a decision – so many things in just five days.

- back to the future

No, I didn't wear my hair down, all blow-dried into a smart bob: I still pinned it up, and five years later am still pinning it up because I can't bear the heat of it or be bothered with the hanging-in-the-face of it. And, as I said in the previous post, THAT novel is still around but not the one I'm working on now - another re-write. Ah, 'it's life, Jim, but not as we know it'.

DAILY CARD DRAW 2

3.12.10

The Knight of Masks

While I shuffled I asked what lay in front of me over the next six months, and the underlying question was, ‘Who am I now?’ This card is an arms and head close-up of a young woman; she’s wearing fingerless black lace gloves and a black bodice laced at the front, holding a mask up to her face. Her auburn hair hangs loose and we glimpse some kind of mansion in the background. She wears a black lace choker at her throat which is the only decoration bar the mask which is a red and gold cat-like creation, all swirls and curlicues.

‘Here I am,’ she is saying, ‘don’t you recognise me?’

I see someone who wants me to follow them, daring me to have the nerve to be honest and cool, to enter under my own steam. She is not laughing or sneering but I can see that she is wondering if I’ll give up and walk away. So this feels like a challenge but one from a friend or a sister; it’s a caring look that assures me that this is the right party for me.

Invitations will fly around me! And small challenges. The woman’s hands are wide open and I think she’s telling me to keep my eyes open and the way clear – she could be telling me to cut and colour my hair, to wear make-up for a change, to dress up and be more decorative than the old slump that I am most of the time. She might be saying, ‘Look at your eyes, dress up your hair – show something off.’

Actually I was very aware last Saturday that while my friend was all dressed up (we’d gone to the pictures with my two older grandsons to see Harry Potter) I hadn’t bothered to do anything more that get washed and dressed – and in old ordinary clothes at that. I should have made an effort. So do I have to dress up now? Do I have to make something of myself? Probably definitely. And another thing: number two grandson took my photograph on the train and I look like an old woman. I am an old woman, so what does it matter? It matters, apparently.

Yes, this has made me think about the impression I give of myself; I really don’t give a fig, but it wouldn’t hurt me to make an attempt at being presentable and more sociable – oh no not that!

Again, I have followed the card’s image and worked my way through it to arrive at these conclusions. The presence of The Knight of Masks might mean a change of situation for me, travel or the absence of someone. My oldest grandson is planning to join the army as soon as he can and he will be sixteen in April, so this might coincide with that.

So far, I’m happy with what has come up with these cards, but there is not a lot of symbolism here is there?

Note:

I received an invitation from my son and his wife to join them, their five children and their other granny for Christmas dinner out in a restaurant! So that's my first invitation arriving 24 hrs after the reading – the small challenges will be keeping order 'cause these kids are wild!

- back to the future

No real change has occurred; I still hang myself out like an old woman who was never young and beautiful...no, my attitude is that I've been there done that so why should I have to bother with any of it now? I have six grandchildren and a great grandson...and a new grandson on the way - I can do what the hell I want! Actually I hardly leave the flat and love living in my wee cave, in my baggy old dresses, listening to audio books, whole series again and again...playing the favourites.

DAILY CARD DRAW 1

These are part of an exercise I started five years ago. I'm putting them up here to analyse any changes made from the readings' wisdoms, any real premonition/prophetic visions etc.

2.12.10

It’s 3am and I begin the day (before I settle down to sleep) with the very first draw from the pack.

Using my lovely new Favole Tarot deck in an effort to study it, the artist, the symbolism, and me.

11 The High Priestess

The figure of a beautiful woman takes up one third of the picture and to her left is a bubbling cauldron; the smoke from the fire stretches up into the night and hovers behind her. She looks determined; that was the first and strongest feeling I got from the card. Immediately above her is a winter tree and in the background is the dark structure of a castle.

As I shuffled the pack I forced an image of myself into the forefront of my mind, of how unfit and unhealthy I am, and thought about how long I can continue with bad habits then asked the question, will I succeed in getting healthy and fit. So, to see her looking determined is my answer, initially.

All the ingredients are in her pot and it’s boiling, cooking and affirming its success because the ingredients are gathered and successfully arranged so that the outcome is inevitable; she has done her magic, used her talents and now it is down to me to take my medicine.

I’ve taken none of this from the traditional meaning of the card; this is straight from the image. She is dressed and wearing her jewellery and symbols of magic; she was prepared and had probably relished the ritual. So, do I need a ritual? I’d say that was a yes. She and the cauldron are lit-up whilst the background is very dark. So I must put the background out of focus and pay attention to what’s in the pot. What’s in my pot?

The only symbols here are fire and her necklace of a pentagram, and a pentagram embossed on the side of the cauldron. So, my first lesson will be the pentagram and high priestesses, and perhaps a little spell-work.

Notes:

My first rituals should be waking up in the morning and going to sleep at night, which can be started with an alarm and relaxation exercises – so get to it!

-back to the future...

Obviously the last five years was not the right time for me making the huge effort spelled out in the gorgeous cards, but maybe I'm ripe now!